so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
