Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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