you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
