Whod you bang
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's rum buckets o'clock
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
