I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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