Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
