It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
