I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
