JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
two words: eviction party
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
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We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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