WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
