i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
