I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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