Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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