It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
