what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
