i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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