I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Randomize
