i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
