Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
