umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
