listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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