We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
