Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
