Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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