Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
