i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
