i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
