This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
