I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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