I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
