hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
