I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
