I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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