"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
