what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
