...so i touched it.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
