You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Holy shit dude........stairs
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
