he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
