Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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