marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
