So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
