I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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