I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
