I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Holy shit dude........stairs
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