can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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