My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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