Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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