Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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