He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
