I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
