I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
