She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
