Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
