based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
