I wish my penis had an off switch
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
