mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
