This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
