My balls are so social today.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
