Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
