just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
