Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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