standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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