Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
