Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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