i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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