I think my vagina is haunted
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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