maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
