Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
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in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize