I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
