no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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