Slut skills are useful in every country.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
