I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
